Jan. 25th, 2008 | 10:01 am
I am so over the people I work w/. I hate that place so much. I can't do anything about it though b/c I need the money. I get paid pretty damn well to do my job so there's no way that I can quit and go get another job and get near the same amount of money. I think though, that if I don't go back to school online soon that after this summer I will need to get serious about finding a new job. Unless I'm lucky and a couple of people quit. Yesterday before work I got onto myspace and read a blog that my "friend" and co-worker wrote. She was bitching about how busy it was and that the people who made the schedule were fucking stupid and all this other shit. Now, supposedly she is my friend and she knows that I'll see that but she still says it. But really it was all her fault what happened to her that night. SHE let the 2nd delivery driver go an hour and fifteen min. before he was supposed to. And SHE never called me to see if I would come in even after the night before I had told her that if it's busy then to give me a call and I'll prob. come in. She's just pissed b/c she actually had to do some work for a few hours. She's not used to that. She's used to everyone else doing more work than her and she gets to go smoke cigs. all day. Well, she knew that I wrote up the schedule w/ my boss so she was basically talking shit about both of us. I asked her about it and she said it had nothing to do w/ me. BULLSHIT!! If you're going to talk shit at least admit to it! So I was pissed and I told my boss and he got pissed. Her and I worked it out over text msgs. b/c I have to work w/ her 3 days a wk. And I can't deal w/ drama while I have to work w/ her. She is so immature when you don't get a long and it's terrible. Last May she read a blog that I had wrote about her and she got pissed. She was talking shit about me to my face, but trying to cover it up and I just let it go but then I went and wrote about it. I knew she wouldn't see if for a while so I didn't care if she did see it. So like a month or so later she sees it and gets wicked pissed cuz she can't handle it when someone else talks shit about her. She can't talk shit about everyone, but they can't do it about her. So we weren't friends for around two months. She told people we worked w/ that if they were friends w/ me she wouldn't be friends w/ them, immature shit like that. And me I didn't give a fuck if anyone liked her or not. But we worked it out eventually, but things have never been the same since. I wish none of it ever happened, but at the same time I don't care. It proved to me the kind of person that she is. She was already getting on my nerves before that anyone. She's such a poser I can't handle it. I hate it when people copy me. I love metal, absolutely love it, and she hated it when I first met her. Then we became friends and all of the sudden the shit she hated she nows "loves". How fake. I hate fake people and she is one of the most fake people I know. But anyway, she wrote another blog last night bitching about how work sucked b/c I'm sure my boss wasn't very friendly to her and at the end she wrote something like, I like to blog and I'm going to keep on doing it. And if you don't like it you can kiss my ass. Like that's not pointed at me b/c she knows that I am going to read it. I am so done w/ her. I don't need any friends. I have my parents, my brother Stan, my boyfriend, and my one true friend Jenn. That's all I need. I like to stay home and hang out w/ my dog anyway over going out. I don't even like to go out anymore. But I don't need her. I just need to be able to get a long w/ her so work doesn't suck b/c I have to stay there and work my 50 hours a wk. and make a lot of money so I can pay off my car asap. Once I get through that I am basically going to take the summer off. I'm only going to work 3 days a wk. and hopefully none of them w/ her. So it'll be a little bit more peaceful. And then I will get my life straightened out w/ my job. Well, I should prob. get off of here and get ready for work. I have to go in for 12.5 hours until 3am. Fun times!! I love it! Peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec. 29th, 2007 | 11:23 pm
Wow, I totally forgot about this thing. I was just going through some old e-mails and I saw my confirmation e-mail for this so I was like I wonder if I can still sign in, and it worked! Hm...I've been using myspace to write about stuff and I have to block some of my blogs b/c I don't want certain people to see certain things and then everyone thinks it's about them and freaks out. But no one knows about this so I can write whatever the hell I want!! I was reading a couple of posts I wrote almost 2 yrs. ago and I didn't even rem. writing them. I'm glad I'm not back in those days anymore. Life is still confusing, but it's not like it was. I am now 25. I live w/ my new boyfriend, not the same one I was always bitching about before, we've been together for over a yr. We bought a house together in Upstate, NY. He owns a business and I still work at a pizza shop. I still hate my job. I have a puppy now! I've had him for about 6 mo. and I love him so much. I named him Chino! My boyfriend likes dogs so I am going to get another one in the spring. I can't wait! Life is still confusing in that even though I love my boyfriend he drives me insane and I think about not being w/ him. I think that I might just be crazy and not able to live w/ someone w/o feeling like I can't stand them. I don't know what my problem is. When I get mad it's validated b/c he does some stupid shit. He owns a bar and kind of has a drinking problem and I'm not cool w/ that. My dad is an alcoholic and I see how it affects my mom and I don't want to end up like that. And that's why we have most of our fights. I can't go out and have fun b/c he has to drink while he's at work and get shit faced and then piss me off. So us together, drunk, doesn't mix. And that's lame. Plus I still feel like I am someone's mother and cleaning up after them. When we does help me clean he doesn't really make an effort. Most girls are the same, we have a system especially in the kitchen. You put silverware in a place, dishes, bowls, everything in their places and he always just throws stuff where he finds space. So I have to go back and fix it so it's not really helping me. I work about 40 hours a wk. and I'm always stressed out b/c I hate the people I work w/ and he only works 16 hours a wk. and can't do extra stuff at home to help me out. So that gets on my nerves. But anyway. I'm really not that stressed out about that stuff for once so I don't even know why I'm writing about it. Well, I guess that's all for now. I don't feel like writing about other stuff on my mind quite yet so if I rem. about this I guess I'll keep it for another time.
Feb. 18th, 2006 | 03:52 pm
music: Silverchair- Without You
Well, where to start. I am feeling quite stressed b/c I wish I could just pack up my stuff and leave my boyfriend. But it can't be that simple for me. I got out of work at three am and I tried calling him and he didn't answer so I figured he was asleep. There was a white out where I was so I was calling to see how the weather was at my house so I tried to call again to wake him up and he still didn't answer. Then I got home and he wasn't even here. So I called and left a mean voicemail cuz it was messed up that he wasn't hear and he never told me he was doing anything. So I went to bed and woke up at 10:15 and he still wasn't here, but he came home soon after. I pretty much ignored him. He came home to tell me that he was at a party and was too drunk to drive home and he didn't want to call me b/c it was too late. I got home a fucking 4 in the morning. How could he have thought it was too late to call? I just think it's an excuse and I told him that he was obviously hiding something if he couldn't call me one time in 7 hours to tell me what he was up to. I really just want to break up w/ him and either be by myself for a little while or find someone new who will treat me better. I wish I was really pretty so I could find someone else easily. There are people that I would like to get to know better, but it will never happen. One is just way out of my league and the other two I am pretty sure have absolutely no interest in me. I swear I am going to be misrable for the rest of my life. Well, I have to go and feed my stupid boyfriend's lizard b/c I'm sure he hasn't fed the poor thing in days. Loser. Bye.
Feb. 2nd, 2006 | 01:00 am
music: the water from the filter in my fish tank
I hate my job. I am seriously over it and I wish I could get but I have so many bills that it's not possible. I am one of the only people who actually do my job and do it the best I can and I get shit on all the time b/c everyone knows that I am better at my job than they are at theirs. And I'm not even being cocky, it's just the flat out truth. Me and another person I work w/, who I consider my friend, caught another girl basically stealing and I let my boss know and now I'm hated b/c I told on her. But what the hell, she was stealing! She wasn't actually taking money out of the register, but when she would go on a delivery she wouldn't write down her order so she wouldn't have to pay for it. I don't think it's right for people to steal from the person who pays them, but now I'm the bad guy b/c I have morals. Whatever. Fuck them all b/c I could careless if any of those losers like me. As far as I'm concerned anyone who thinks stealing from your boss is okay is as much of a scumbag as the person who stole. I wish I didn't get paid so much now. It's the only thing that's keeping me there. And the fact that it's hard to find a job around this place. I wish I could move back home and have less bills and not work as many days so I didn't have to deal w/ as much bullshit and try and find a new job. I can't wait until May when I cut my hours down. I will be a much happier person. Okay, I guess that's it. I just need to get that off of my chest. Bye!
Jan. 14th, 2006 | 10:42 pm
music: Lynard Skynard- Simple Man
Well, it's a Sat. night and I'm at home, by myself. I don't mind. I could have went out to a Syracuse Crunch game, but I had cleaning to do, as usual. My boyfriend will be home soon. I don't really care. We'll prob. just go to bed soon after he gets here. I've been drinking wine since 7 or around there and watching movies. I was just watching Meet the Barkers and it reminded me of being IN love. I'm def. not IN love w/ my boyfriend anymore. I wish I had the chance to be IN love w/ someone, and def. not him. I can't even kiss him anymore. It totally grosses me out. It's not supposed to be that way. I feel trapped. I shouldn't feel this way. Well, I'm going to end this cuz he might be home soon. Bye!!
Jan. 13th, 2006 | 12:46 pm
music: Evanescense- Thoughtless (KoRn cover)
What an annoying week, and it's not even over yet. First on Monday my stupid boyfriend was out at the bar and I knew that he wouldn't be home when he said he would be. He told me to call him when I was leaving work so I did and he said he'd be home before I was. I got home and he wasn't there, like I figured. I didn't even bother to call him and then he called me on my cell and I asked if I was home yet and I'm like I told you an hour ago that I was going home. And then he said he be home as soon as possible and then he didn't even show up until 2:18am. And he got all pissed off at me b/c I was pissed that he was driving drunk and out when he said he'd be home. I think I had every right to be pissed. He woke me up prob. not even an hour later elbowing me in my side and pretty much trying to sleep on top of me. I woke him up and told him to move over and he got all pissed at me and said he wasn't moving so then I had to get up and sleep on the couch. He didn't rem. of course and couldn't understand when he got up in the morning and I was on the couch. I got woke up at 6am b/c his dad was calling to see why he hadn't showed up to work yet. And I had to be up at 7:45 so I barely got any sleep that night. I went to my mom's for the day and didn't go home til 10pm. And he still couldn't understand why I was mad. Idiot. Then last night I went to my co-worker/friends house after work like I have been doing every Thurs. for the last 3 wks. We just hang out and have a couple of beers and then I go home. But the last two wks. he's been harrassing me while I've been there. At first he didn't call me, but then once he did call he wouldn't stop calling. I wasn't even there for an hour I don't think and he called to let me know he was going home and I told him I didn't know how much longer I would be and he didn't seem to have a problem w/ it. Then he called back a min. later and wanted to see if we wanted to go out to the bars and we didn't want to and he got all pissed off b/c I didn't want to go do anything. Then he called me back again and wanted to go out to my friend's house, but I didn't see the point cuz I wasn't planning on being there that much longer and he took it all personal and got mad saying I didn't want to hang out w/ him. After that I just ended up leaving b/c I felt like an idiot getting all the stupid calls from him infront of my friends. Then of course it was another big ordeal when I got home and we got into a fight. I tried to break up w/ him and he got all upset and was supposedly crying, which I don't believe. He's a good fake crier. It was 2:30am by that time and I just wanted to go to sleep so I tried to make piece so I could sleep. I did get to tell him that I can't handle all this fighting and it's not worth it anymore. When I had to kiss him goodnight it totally disgusted me. I didn't even want to kiss him at all. This morning before he went to work it was the same way. It's worse than ever. I feel trapped b/c I don't want to be here w/ him at all, but I want to keep the place. I could prob. afford it on my own too, but I feel like I wouldn't get the place if I broke up w/ him. Plus we bought a big screen TV together and it's on my credit card and I don't want to get stuck w/ that bill. My situation is just so stupid. Well, I think I rambled on enough so I'm going to go. Peace!!
Jan. 7th, 2006 | 12:35 pm
Well, I'm dog/puppy sitting today and it's making me want a puppy even more. My landlords haven't made a decision about letting me get one or not and I'm having a hard time finding one, and it's driving me insane! I've always wanted a puppy, but I've never been able to get one. And even after puppysitting and having him shit and piss on the floors and chew on stuff and waking me up at 6am, I still want one. Hopefully they wiill say yes.
Besides that things are alright. I'm waiting for my boss to call me. He told me last night at work that he wanted to talk to me about some stuff and told me to call him today. When I did he was busy so now I'm waiting to hear back from him. It's been two freakin' hours. It's driving me insane. I don't really know what he wants to talk about so it's bugging me.
My boyfriend pissed me off again. What's new? I wanted to go have a few beers w/ a co-worker after work on Thursday night and we got in a fight b/c I didn't know the exact time I would be home. He was acting like a child and didn't want to sit here by himself so he said he wouldn't go home til I got there. What the hell is up w/ that? So then he went out to the bar even though he was already drunk and didn't even get home til 2:30 and I was home by 1:30am. I can't handle his immaturity. I know I would be happier w/o him, but for some reason my situation is too difficult. I knew I should have never moved in w/ him, but the place I've got is really nice and a good deal. I want to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house and it'll be really hard to do that if I'm paying for a place on my own. I don't have any friends that I could get a place w/.
Well, I don't know what else to write so I'm going to go. I should prob. do some damn dishes anyway. Peace!
Jan. 4th, 2006 | 11:00 pm
Well, it's almost been another year since the last time I wrote on this. I've been pretty stressed out lately so I thought that maybe if I "wrote" stuff down then it would help me out. Who knows, but I guess it's worth a shot. Lots of stuff has changed since the last time I wrote in here. I moved back home, moved out and after two other apartments got a trailer, for rent. But it's not a crappy trailer or in a park. It's really nice and the landlords used to live here so they did a lot w/ it and it's a little like a house. And it's on it's own property. The downfall (kind of) is that I live w/ my boyfriend. The same guy I am always bitching about. We broke up and he started smoking crack again and then he went to rehab and we somehow started dating, again. But this time I really didn't want to, but for one he owes me a lot of money and I want it and for two, I felt bad for him. And now he is my main reason for all of my stress. Sometimes I wish I lived here by myself. I feel like I'm always cleaning up after him and I hate it, I'm not his mother or even his wife. We always argue about something, usually money or him being a slob. I treat him like shit a lot and he still doesn't break up w/ me. That is weird since he would always break up w/ me any other time. I know I should just break up w/ him, but I don't know how so I really wish he would just do it. I don't want to lose this place and if we did break up b/c of me, I don't know if I would be the one able to keep it. Besides having a hard time paying for it by myself, he doesn't have anywhere else to go. But I have a phone and satellite in my name so it's kind of hard for me to move. At least before when we were together I was attracted to him. Now I really don't think I am anymore. I don't like to kiss him and do anything else w/ him. I despise it. I feel like I'm stuck in a marriage, when I'm not. I'm sure this sounds stupid to anyone else and they'd tell me to just break up w/ him and move, but for some reason when you're in the situation it's just not that easy. My other stress factor is my job. I work in a pizza shop as a pizza maker. The hours suck. I work all nights except one day that I work a double, 15 hours, just so I can get three days off a wk. Thursdays and Fridays I am there for 4pm to 3am. It's a college town so we're open late to cater to the drunk college assholes. Right now their not at school so I am getting a little bit of a break. I took an extra day off so I don't have to be in the hell hole as much for a month. It's nice. I wish I could find a new job, but it's so hard. I'm pretty much making $12/hr. and for being 23 and not having a college degree, that's pretty damn good. There's not even really anything else I want to do except own my own business. But I don't want to go back to school for it. I hated college and it was a waste of time and money. Plus I can't afford to only work part time. I'm making it part time for the month only b/c I busted my ass and saved up some cash. Well, I guess I've written quite a bit for today so I'm going to go. Then I'll have something to write some other time, if I actually do. Bye.
Jan. 13th, 2005 | 10:57 pm
mood: pissed off
music: Amy Lee and Seether- Broken
Well, I haven't written in here in a long time. I was starting to write some shit in a notebook and then I figured I might as well just put it on here. I'm am not in a good mood at all. I just got out of work around 10:30pm and I called my boyfriend to see if he needed a ride home, since he's out drinking and stuff. So then he tells me that he's going out to the casino and he doesn't know when he'll be home. I don't even think he was going to call and let me know about this. That's why I'm really pissed off. Plus I am moving out of our apartment soon and I thought he might actually want to spend some nights w/ me. I am so sick of this shit. And that's one of the reasons why I am moving out. Plus my boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him b/c he's delusional. But of course he may be cheating on me and that's why he keeps trying to make it look like I am the one doing something wrong. Who knows. I don't anymore. I was thinking about moving out two wks. early, but then I changed my mind b/c we had a good time the other night. But now I really want to get the fuck out of here so I don't have to come home after working and deal w/ this shit. 2005 has been such a shitty year already. This must not be a good sign. Hopefully I don't give in a I do move out on Monday b/c I know I will be much happier and if I stay I will just get upset about something. One good thing about moving back home is that I can finally get a puppy. That makes me happy b/c I've been wanting a puppy forever. But I've never been allowed to have one b/c I'm supposedly not responsible enough. But I guess I've kind of proved that to my parents by keeping my bills paid and my apartment cleaned. Well, I need to get into the shower. I work in a pizza shop, does that explain it? Bye!!